Brilliant Madness

Photo Credit: Peter Szto, PhD

I have been living recently

In a state of brilliant madness

I feel as though I teeter

On the apex of a jagged mountain

Balanced atop a skateboard


The least shift of my weight

A momentary loss of focus

Could result in the

Long careen

Into the ravine

Full of jagged rocks

Fallen branches

Murkish water

It is an exhausting way to live

But exhilarating

None the less

My thoughts are always



Like atoms in a cyclotron

I picture them as thick blue dots

Moving in a clear, viscous liquid

In a tall glass cylinder

Reaching to the ceiling

Reaching to the sky

At times they move together

In military formation

At others times

They travel in complete anarchy

I have been dwelling

In the still, quiet hours

Of predawn

My personal twilight

My human and canine

Companions asleep

The house creaky

With age and forced hot air

I ignore the mouse who

Scurries in the kitchen

Our non-aggression treaty intact

As long as we do not come face-to-face

I have been waking each morning

In one of two states

Either the words have already

Started pulling at me

Rousing me

Telling me it is time

To go sit in front of the

Impersonal screen

And allow them to take their shape

Let them write themselves

The second state

Feels more like

Suspended animation

As though I could remain

Frozen in time

In the silence

Unable to muster

A single word

A single truth

These moments terrify me

I admit to myself

If no one else

That I am

Deeply ambivalent about the

The jagged little


That sits on my

Kitchen table

That may save my life

But steal this

Brilliant madness


      1. It is also important to remember that you are brave and bold and rocking who you are with no apology– this has probably been the most important lesson I have learned this year. I am remembering that I am fierce and awake and alive.


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