Wonder Woman

The world needs me to be

Wonder Woman right now

But I keep thinking

That her outfit is ridiculous

I appreciate freedom of movement

As much as the next girl

And get the whole

Aerodynamics thing

But really!?


I like my ass covered

And can we talk about those heels?!

Give me a sturdy pair of Doc Martins

I need a costume

That is durable

Tumble dry low

And has pockets

Lots of pockets

Because who can fight like that

With a purse slung around their neck?


I do like the whip though


All that red. white and blue

Seems awfully conspicuous

And that gold lame?

Completely impractical

Unless I am trying to dazzle my enemies

I also think those wrist gauntlets

Could be bigger and cooler

Maybe Q could trick them out


The world needs me to be

Wonder Woman right now

But this depression

Is really kicking my ass

What do the other

Superheroes do

When it’s hard to get out of bed

In the morning?

“Oh sorry, can’t save the world today”!?


Batman could definitely

Use an SSRI and some therapy

Maybe 6 to 10 sessions of CBT

Would do the trick

Superman is a little

Too perfect for me

Maybe he has a personality disorder

Do you think there is a support group

For superheroes having

Existential crisis?

Maybe I can run with Iron Man

I like his snark and he has cool toys


The world needs me to be

Wonder Woman right now

I wish I felt more up to the task

Time to put on my big girl pants

(The ones with all pockets)

Take a deep breath

And get over myself

Maybe put out the call for

The other badass women out there

To grab their whips

And their invisible planes

There is humanity to save




Categories: Poetry

Tagged as: , , , ,


  1. Love this!

    Adding to the impracticality of Wonder Woman’s costume is the fact that her cape does nothing to help maintain warmth on a cold day. I learned this the hard way, when I dressed as Wonder Woman one unseasonably cold Halloween. Pull and tug as I might, I couldn’t make that cape keep any part of me warmer. Not my shoulders, and certainly not my behind. Clearly, an overlooked flaw in design. 😛


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