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Yes ma’am. That’s why we write. Because it fucking hurts

I am sure it is a surprise to no one who reads my blog that the last six months has been a challenging time for me.  I have been relying more than I ever imagined on the kindness of my friends, family and my WordPress community.  This poem is a thank to all of you who have offered support and caring as I write my way through this journey.

I am particularly grateful to one particular member of the WP family whose keen eye, sharp observations, compassion and the occasional kick in the ass have gotten me through some almost unbearable days.  I hope he recognizes his wise words here.  His friendship is a gift I often do not feel like I have earned.

I know that I apologize too much

For the things I say

For the things I write

For the things I do

For not caring enough

For caring too much

For bleeding on the screen

A little too much

For breathing

For existing

Past the age of 30

Which I actually never thought would happen

And that somewhere deep down I don’t feel the universe

Quite approves of and may demand retribution for

 

I am trying to stop apologizing

For anything and everything

And instead start expressing my gratitude

When you listen

When you read my words

When you forgive my actions

Accept the caring I do have to offer

Hand me the bandages

Allow me the space to breath

Encourage me to keep existing

To remind me that I have gravity and that my writing speaks to people

To hold vigil while I continue this painful, wrenching rebirth

That is full of danger and tears and dark thoughts and darker humor

And for understanding that we write because it fucking hurts

 

 

Posted in PoetryTagged , , , , , , 24 Comments

24 thoughts on “Yes ma’am. That’s why we write. Because it fucking hurts”

      1. Of course, we are all like that. Sometimes we have bad days too and have to write to express. The best part of it is that many won’t know it’s personal but you have been able to share it too.

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    1. Thank you dear, dear friend for everything. You remind me that its still important to get up in the morning and important to keep putting one foot– and one word– in front of the other and that it is okay to cut myself a little slack. Thank you for letting me know over and over again that you see me and that you hear me and that you think there is an other side that I will come out on.

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  8. I started writing something then my battery went dead 🙂
    You amazing WP writers have enriched my life beyond anything I imagined, and you are a big part of that. There are times I’m only crying, and you put voice to how I, and others feel, so beautifully. Thank you. Praying your dark days become less and less 💐 and those freaking migraines leave you alone!!

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