I take the knife and trace the blade upon my skin, over the scars already left behind from previous carvings.
Is tonight the night or will the moon eat my dark? The night I take one last cleansing breath before I end the pain I am feeling and more than that, the pain I am causing others. The night the demons in my mind have finally won their torturous battle against me. The night I smile one last time and say “I’m fine”. Is this the last night I have to hide my manic mind because nobody wants to be associated with “crazy”, or will the moon eat my dark?
I’m tired of being a lab rat, and “seeing” how I will react to the next handful of rainbow coulored pills.
I have lost the person I am.
Why can’t you just be happy? they ask.
Why can’t you learn to settle down, they say.
These questions ‘s burn in my heart, for if I had these answers, I would surely reach into the bottom of my soul and grab that happiness and never let it go.
Is the moon able to eat my dark enough to fuel my fire? Not the fire used to burn my soul, but the fire to fuel my strength? Is tonight the night or is this time meant to be saved for now?
My rational brain tells me to buck the fuck up. But it’s not that easy. Oh how I wish it were that easy. This thing they call mental illness is so painfully unforgiving, so dark.
The roller coaster of ups and downs is unbearable at times, sometimes switching so fast between one and other, I’m not sure what ride I’m actually on or when it’s safe to get off.
The memory loss. Why is my brain doing this to me? I am/was a good person. I’m tired. Is tonight the night? Should it be, or will the moon eat my dark?
Suddenly the phone rings. It’s my granddaughter saying she is on her way over with her baby sister and mom.
My heart and soul lighten. Could this be the fire that fuels my broken brain and soul to put the knife away? Is tonight the night I end it all, or is my fate once again going to be saved? Is tonight the night I end all the pain or will the moon eat my dark? No not today my loves. There is no ending tonight. I have a new glow at the end of my tunnel, and they are my babes. They have saved me once again, for they are a part of the moon that eats my dark.
This is the first piece of writing that Kelly has ever written for publication. Pretty brave to start with a Writing Prompt Challenge!