Wrecking Ball

I watched from outside myself

as I took the wrecking ball

with hands that were my hands

and not my hands

swung it high above my head

demolished what I held dear

I was surprised that the hands

that were mine but weren’t mine

held such strength

most days things slide

through them as though they are boneless

I looked at the rubble remaining

remembering how deeply self-hatred

can run

and how much collateral damage

is left in its wake

 

© 2017 Christine Elizabeth Ray – All rights Reserved

 

 

28 thoughts on “Wrecking Ball

      1. Indeed it is and every once in a while you have to ask yourself if you spending your precious time wisely or just caught up in the busyness. I think that sometimes I am running away from my own thoughts and feelings in the busyness.

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      2. I agree. So much busyness. My life used to be really crazy. I have made deliberate decisions to really reduce mine. It’s easy to feel bad about it when I am surrounded here by very busy people, but I like having time to be available for people when they need it. I also convinced Darrin not to schedule every second of his day for the same reason. Things come up and then what? Anyway, I hope you get it to a level you are happy with. It’s worth it.

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  1. You’re poems are so meaningful for me lately. And I’m getting a sense that you are asking yourself some questions. Sometime busyness can be running. I’m experiencing that now… I can’t sit still, I can’t focus… Not sure why, but it’s a message. The key is figuring out what that message is! I’m trying to challenge myself to stop and just be, but I can’t do it very well right now. So I just keep writing, keep reading, keep thinking, keep doing what feels most comfortable. The answers will come ❤

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    1. I had been aware for some time that I have been running from myself with all busyness. I also chronically struggle with standing still and just being. I made the right decision earlier this week to let go of something but did it badly, unkindly. Realizing that I have not really been liking who I am lately, that I have lost perspective on who I am and how I want to move through the world. Trying to move back a little so I can look more clearly at the big picture. So I keep writing, and reading, and thinking and doing what feels comfortable. I agree– the answers will come when I can get in more meditative place.

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      1. I’m sorry Christine. I hope that everything works out for you. Know that I understand how hard it is to find a balance. As I mentioned, I’m at a place right now where I can’t just be still either. And I have no idea why. I hope that whoever was involved with the decision you made, understands that sometimes we act out of character when we are struggling with PTSD, depression or any other mental health issue and recognizes that, although it isn’t an excuse, it is a reason… there is a difference. My best to you, I’m here if you need me ❤

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