Thinking today of Chester Bennington and Chris Cornell and Robin Williams and all of those whose lives have been lost to depression and suicide but did not make the headlines or the social media news feeds.   I have walked in your shoes.  I have put my leg over the bridge, stood at the open 13th  story window and considered walking out, have thought I was nothing, thought that others would be better off without me.  Those are the lies depression tells us.  You mattered.  You are missed.

the suicide note

she did not leave

left a faint  imprint

on the wooden table

where they would sit and talk

over cups of milky coffee

the suicide note

she did not leave

rang like silence in his ears

the suicide note

she did not leave

burned itself onto his retinas

he feared the afterimage

was permanent

the suicide note

she did not leave

did not list

13 reasons why

he understood only

that the starless darkness

that she had been

floating in for so very long

had become so thick

so viscous

so acidic

that it had eaten all light

and she could no longer see

how he glowed

whenever she was near


© 2017 Christine Elizabeth Ray – All rights Reserved

26 thoughts on “Unwritten

  1. I am going to reblog this on mine as well. I have suffered from depression all my life. I’ve come close to suicide more times than I care to think. People I’ve known have committed or attempted suicide. Suicide is the ultimate expression of despair, the loss of all hope. It is almost always rooted in depression and that is a terrible battle to fight.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Too many. And it can be so well hidden! People I would never have thought were depressed. High functioning depression. Smiling depression. I guess I was one of them too.


    1. My understanding is that notes are nowhere as common as the media likes us to think they are. I can speak from my experience that you can have a long-term to-do list and suddenly get caught up in waves of agony so overwhelming and totally encompassing that you believe it will never end.

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Most people who contemplate suicide do not want to die as much as the want the pain to stop. I have struggled with depression since I was a preteen and depression completely changes how you view yourself and you tormented by thoughts that those you love would be better off without you. Its like a dark mist that permeates your brain and whispers poisonous lies in your ear 24/7

      Liked by 1 person

        1. Its funny I never think of happiness and inner contentment as the opposite of clinical depression. the absence of psychic pain, just feeling normal and having normal emotional reactions to the stimuli around you has always felt like the opposite of clinical depression to me. Inner contentment is more cognitive than chemical.

          Liked by 1 person

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