SPELLING: Rana Kelly
A WORD WITCH’S PRAYER
I write to you of love. Over seas and dizzying crags, silent forests and deep drifts of snow. I crave it all. Handwritten letters and secrets spoken in twilight. I’m a heady woman. A woman you won’t understand, but I will love you. A supple love. Streaked with rapture and rage, hemorrhaging my heart and soul across the pages of your most private diary. And from you, I need the same.
You must know how to swim. I am a blue pearl, rarest of all, in the great belly of a chopping, frothy black sea, and my reefs are dying. When I was a girl I dreamed great dreams. As I found myself a woman, I was torn down by all of them so I locked them away. I let myself fall into the blackness, the addictive pull of pain, in hopes that one day, you would find me and have the key. The key to everything that unlocks me. The gears will tick and creak. The box will open slowly and I will unlatch. A tiny, luminous thing. A night blooming rose, a goddess pulled free from eternity.
It would take a certain soul to do this for me. A soldier bearing steel, but only when he must. Armor dented, dulled with rust. When you come home to me, only I can strip you bare and bathe the mire from your tangled hair. Tend to your wounds, pull your hands to me, and heal you again. Give you reason to fight another day, if for nothing else, then for me. And I need you to fight for me. Fight hard, with courage and ferocity. Fight for me and for our family. Love my children as you love me and never less. They are my breath and bones as you will be. Always a cellular part of me.
Be the Braille for my blindness, for sometimes I cannot see what is right in front of me. No forest for the trees. A lost wolf howling from the darkest parts of the heart of wilderness with a hoarse voice in the night. I need to feel you-know that you’re there, even in the absence of light. Come close to me. Let me run my fingertips over you, body and soul; learn the shadows, dips, and curves by memory. Know you through and through but only because you allow me to.
Be vulnerable to my vaulted heart and be honest with me. Give me your trust and trust in me wholly.
Know better than to put a wolf on a leash. I’ll chew through the chain links and you’ll not see me again. And in return, you’ll always be somewhat separate from me. But I will be right there whenever you reach for me. My rock, my second self, my man.
Sometimes, leave me alone in my darkness, for you will not know what to do. A knight you may be, but you cannot fight my battles for me. Give me a shawl of your plaid to wrap myself in, and I will always come back to you.
Be tender and gentle to all warm, furred, and feathered things. Leave a spider to her web, a lady bug to her leaf, a moth to her candle, because they all remind you of me.
Forgive me every time I falter in my faith in you. Because I have been through hell and sometimes I doubt and dwell.
Cope with my crazy because I’m worth the time and the effort and that’s one of the things that you love about me.
Tell me I’m lovely in a million different ways. Tell me you love me in a million different more.
Be quick of wit and laughter. Have things for me to learn and explore. Take me to places I’ve never been before. Distill time, moments that remain clear and bright for the rest of our lives. Sacred seconds between us that shut out the noise.
Understand what gets me out of my own head and take me there. I may resist but please persist because you need me to care. And when I’m in my own personal hell, sometimes I don’t. Hurt is all that I see. Remind me of your touch, your love, your kindness. Remind me that you’re forever a part of me.
Listen to me, even when it’s just inane, and read my words, for I am made up of handwritten script looped together to form humble flesh. My words have been all I have had for so long and I need you to adore that part of me
Read to me. Tell me stories to put me to sleep, stroke my hair as I succumb and curl up next to me.
Give me forehead kisses and candlelight because it suits me.
Protect me, your life for mine and likewise forever.
Adore every scar and flaw in my skin because they belong to me, they are the memory of my survival of insurmountable things. And god, are you grateful that I am still alive, because you know it was a very near thing.
Help me to be more me than I am without you.
Catch me when I throw myself to the wind.
Tie a red string between us, so that if we separate, we will always find each other again.
Struggle to keep yourself in check when you look at me. Want me more than you can stand. Touch me like it could be the last time. Kiss me like it’s the first.
Never shelter me from the rain. Instead step out and dance with me.
Make pagan love to me. Take me home to the Standing Stones of Scotland, make me your half wild bride, and you’ll be sacred to me.
Rana Kelly has been a poet since childhood, a writer since she was a teen. She published her debut novel, Until Her Darkness Goes, in 2015. Her chapbook, Superstition, was recently released by Sudden Denouement Publishing. You can read more of Rana’s writing on Facebook and at 2nd star to the Left, straight on ’til morning
Categories: Friends of Brave and Reckless