You know when I’m there, after all the blood,
after all my ghost begin to break up and
dissipate like early morning radio chatter,
after the loss
of every god damn thing I’ve ever loved,
I can tell you that I earned the cognizance
that this was never a room.
Rooms have an exit, but there is no re-entry
into what my life used to be.
It’s a black hole, and on the other side
there is a universe of all dead bodies.
So if I dissect myself,
if I show you all my organs that could never
have managed to hold this cancer,
if I do it here at the altar of all my great
I just want you to know I’ve reached the
But here I do not struggle, I strive. I still
yearn to be a good man. Wish that my
heart would become…
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