What’s Your Poison?


some of us spent our 20’s

lost in the bottle

some popped pills

stuck a needle in our arms

drove 100 miles an hour

took crazy risks

there are those of us who carved our self-hatred

onto our skin

onto our psyches

when I wasn’t ripping my

soul into shreds

I self-obliterated with black leather

riding crops

fur-lined handcuffs

femmes make the best tops

and I am wound like tight copper wire

I hadn’t planned for sex

to become performance art

I knew that sex was supposed to be

an intimate loving experience

between two people

but how intimate can you be

when you can’t stay in your body

when your lover is touching you?

when you are completely panicked

that they will notice

that your body is there

but no one is home

only to learn how devastating it is

when they don’t notice

. . . guess I was a better actress

than I thought I was


© 2017 Christine Elizabeth Ray – All rights Reserved


      1. Strange, maybe it played for me because I’d already listened to it. Usually, the suggested videos appear after the play. Well, I guess you could get to it by search. It was the first part of the poem that kicked the memory. I once played it for a young heroin addict in a treatment setting who had never heard it before. She definitely knew the feeling.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. OH! The link didn’t even work that much. Now I am confused. OK, the title is “Darkness, Darkness” by The Youngbloods, written by Jesse Colin Young. 1969. It came out on the album “Elephant Mountain”. Here’s one verse:

        “Darkness darkness, hide my yearning
        For the things that cannot be
        Keep my mind from constant turning
        Towards the things I cannot see now
        Towards the things I cannot see now
        The things I cannot see now”


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