Beautiful Hell (Reimagined)

I am a woman most comfortable

living in my head

Ignore that I am tethered

to body

Detached from the swirling storm

of emotion

pretending not to see

intersection of





tears running down

warm smooth skin


This crossroads is

my beautiful hell

where I am choked

by intensity of suppressed


haunted by ghosts



thoughts buzzing

skin shockingly alive

I feel the weight

of each drop of saline

on my cheekbone

each a big blue marble


I cannot retreat to safe rooms

my mind has created

unable to float removed

on distant ceiling

above my body

mentally writing grocery lists

planning errands

my body an empty shell

on crumpled sheets

tragedy how few lovers ever noticed

my absence


Hum buzzes through my blood

travels down neurons electric

heart aching around

sharpened dagger

piercing the walls of my chest

that must remain or

risk hemorrhage


I am wholly alone

connected to everything

barely breathing

exquisitely painfully alive

I feel everything

don’t know whether to join

song of the cosmos

or crumble crushed

by the weight of it all



to the ground


© 2017 Christine Elizabeth Ray – All Rights Reserved



  1. Feel or not feel, Is there really a choice? Perhaps, only an illusion of choice.

    “What matters it how far we go?” his scaly friend replied.
    “There is another shore, you know, upon the other side.
    The farther off from England the nearer is to France –
    Then turn not pale, beloved snail, but come and join the dance.
    Will you, won’t you, will you, won’t you,
    will you join the dance?
    Will you, won’t you, will you, won’t you,
    won’t you join the dance?” [from: “The Lobster Quadrille” by Lewis Carroll]


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