Please, Baby Please

I have never written
about the nights
I lay awake
watching time crawl
across the shadowed ceiling
wondering what I might find
with morning’s light
I have never written
about the horrific images
my anxiety creates
vivid film shorts that play
one after another
on an endless loop
I have never written
about what it is like
to lay there helpless
not knowing
if the emptiness
and despair
that nip at your heels
like a pitbull
have finally become the undertow
that pulls you beyond my reach
I considered sleeping
on your bedroom floor
holding vigil
throwing my very body
between you
and the abyss
but you can barely tolerate
me knowing about the pills
this further invasion
of your space
your privacy
your agency
will only further fray our edges
and right now
you need me
however inadequate
I may seem
time has gifted me
two important truths:
this devil depression
will not always torment you
with such bruising intensity
please, baby please
just hang on a little bit longer
I have also learned
control is an illusion
I cling to
and that all my love
all my vigilance
all my sleepless nights
will have no influence
over what you
choose to do

© 2019 Christine Elizabeth Ray – All Rights Reserved

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