Freedom from Everything I Never Told You – M.A. Morris

Believe me,
You don’t want to know
Everything I never told you.
No, you don’t want to know.
You’d never admit to it all anyway.
How you slowly drove me a little insane.
A little gaslight there. A little gaslight here.
A bit of manipulation and a little playing with words.
The metronome of your words—

I’ve always liked this
I’ve always liked that
Are you happy?
Are you happy with me?
Are you happy?
Are you happy with me?
Why don’t you act happy?
Why don’t you smile?
Why don’t you act happy?
Why don’t you smile?

Then you listed all the reasons for my unhappiness
And none concerned you or
You and me together or
All the reasons why I walked on eggshells
Around your daily prescribed as needed
Questions about my happiness,
My happiness with you, why I didn’t smile like a fool
Every single time I looked at you.
Like a trained poodle, I tried to yip and dance,
Imagine that and pass the Prozac.
Just place me in the pressure cooker
Add the spices you deemed should bring
About my happiness and set on high.
If I made
You my number one
Then I should be happy, right?
Like a clam,
Shut up and be happy!
Though you claimed—

I know I can’t be your number one,
Your daughter is.
You don’t talk enough
You never share your feelings
Everyone asks why you’re so quiet
You don’t talk enough
You need to tell me how you feel

So, I show you some more of my poetry—

So dark.
What inspired this?
Who were you with when you wrote this?
I don’t want you to have those feelings.
I want you to write about being happy,
About being with me, about being here.
I want this darkness out of you.
Why do you need that blog?
Tell me when you post.
Don’t understand why you make things public.

Then interrupt me again, again, and once more
With some feeling in it
Like everything I never told you
And everything you never told yourself.
Did you fear I’d be the Pumpkin Eater’s wife?
Or was it that weird obsession you seemed to have
With your dead brother’s wife and
How you sound like a jealous husband
Every time she speaks of one particular friend?
Or the secret desire you had for me
To disown my child? Yes, that would
Make you my number one,
At least, in the book you claimed to look.
These hidden things you never told yourself
Included with the everything I never told you
Created a road map to the crazy train
You wanted to put me on. Yes, indeed,
Differences in temperament and all.
Now, you can walk away believing
In the lies of your self, keeping that
Precious integrity intact.
But I broke free from the chains of
Everything you never told yourself
And everything I never told you.

I am a retired teacher, enjoying said retirement.  I have been active in the gay and lesbian community since I threw away my Ken doll at the age of four.

You can read more of my writing at Hearing The Mermaids Sing

3 thoughts on “Freedom from Everything I Never Told You – M.A. Morris

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