Bad Santa – Georgiann Carlson

people think I’m a BAD Santa
you try living with a bunch of elves
all year long
and cookies
I’m so sick of cookies
and the whole house smelling
like a bakery
and what about the isolation
everywhere I look there’s nothing
but SNOW
and more SNOW
it’s freezing cold
and look at my clothes
I just want to lay around
in a pair of jeans
and a t-shirt
the reindeer aren’t a problem
I hang out in the bar a lot
it doesn’t smell like cookies in the barn
it smells like hay
I don’t have any neighbors
I mean
who would want to live here?
my wife hates the cold
misses the city
her friends
the cafe life
I can see it in her eyes
I don’t think she’s going to kill me
in my sleep
but she might leave me
she hates baking too
and all those bloody chimneys
one after the other
and the kids leave me more cookies
I hate that some kids get more than others
that some kids don’t get anything at all
I’m thinking of quitting
retiring
if you will
calling off Christmas
or putting an ad in the paper
hoping some idiot will be dumb enough
to answer
then I can take my wife to a sandy beach
where we can lay down and get tan
we look like ghosts
who never saw the sun
which is pretty much true
and I despise candy canes
just so you know
well
I have some drinking to do
so call me whatever you like
just remember the old saying about
walking in someone else’s shoes


I’m an artist, a writer, a vegetarian, an animal rights activist, and quite a few other things as well. I love books, cats, philosophy, good conversation, Chicago and the arts. So my blog is full of bits and pieces but it’s the bits and pieces that make life interesting to me. You can read more of my writing at Rethinking Life

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