First Draft

I wanted to take this opportunity to invite you all to join me Saturday of next week as we start the Writer’s Workshop at Go Dog Go Café. Get your pencils and your prose ready and come prepared to be challenged and have fun.

(44 words. Never start with “I” and every knows this is the Go Dog Go Café. Needs tightening. I am cringing reading it out loud. Never a good sign.)

First Rewrite

Join me on Saturday of next week for challenging fun as the Writer’s Workshop is kicked off here in the cafe with the inaugural prompt. Don’t forget to sharpen your pencils and be prepared to sharpen your prose.

(38 words. Starts with “you”…better, but still clunky. Needs stronger verbals. “Kick off” is a mixed metaphor…we have a baseball theme. “Inaugural” is wrong imagery…feels political. Passive tense “is kicked off” should be changed to…