AN ATHEISTS GUIDE TO CHRISTMAS*
1. buy, or make, lots of presents…since it’s impossible for less to be more
2. have parties because you already put up lots of lights and have reindeer antlers on your dog (it’s okay, most of them don’t really mind)
3. play christmas music really loud, but not the silly religious songs about wise men…because we all know that men never ask for directions and apparently they didn’t realize that the stars don’t always stay in the same place and camels don’t like coming out of the desert to visit people, nor do sheep, so there is that
4. tell stories about people who love nature and take responsibility for their own lives and never expect to be rescued by someone who isn’t there
5. give stuff to others, because those who don’t have a lot know for sure that less is not more
6. make cookies, yule logs, and vegetarian food to celebrate life, real life
7. dance with your cat…if you don’t have a cat, birds, hamsters, dogs, guinea pigs, lizards, or anyone will do…even if you’re by yourself…dance (don’t do it with kids because they can get dizzy and throw up)
8. celebrate the sun’s return because THAT IS SOMETHING TO CELEBRATE, and that’s ACTUALLY WHAT THE CELEBRATION IS FOR
9. explain to your children that there is no such thing as a virgin birth, so they can NEVER use that as an excuse when they’re older
10. watch all the non-religious christmas movies…stay up late and keep watching, it’s once a year, you can do it
11. recycle your wrapping paper
12. get gifts for all the animals, inside and out
13. celebrate the fact that you aren’t religious and don’t worship anyone, even those you know are/were real, like Freddie Mercury
14. if possible, thank your parents for not forcing you to be religious
15. decorate you’re living space with pictures of winter, santa, elves, reindeer, and foxes, okay wolves and rabbits too…or any animals of your choice, and lots of sparkly things
16. have hot chocolate for three days in row
17. don’t invite anyone you don’t like to your home, even if they are your parents, siblings, or just icky friends…they screw with the energy and you’re welcoming the sun, so keep it clean and the vibes high
18. no god, or even santa, can see you when you’re sleeping, or know when you’re awake…well the government can, but not someone’s god or Santa
19. let your creativity run wild and play
20. do things that matter, for the planet, the animals, and for each other
*All of the above have been tested and are known to work.
I’m an artist, a writer, a vegetarian, an animal rights activist, and quite a few other things as well. I love books, cats, philosophy, good conversation, Chicago and the arts. So my blog is full of bits and pieces but it’s the bits and pieces that make life interesting to me. You can read more of my writing at Rethinking Life
5 thoughts on “AN ATHEIST’S GUIDE TO CHRISTMAS – Georgiann Carlson”
Thank you. 🙂
funny stuff. 🙂
Reblogged this on cabbagesandkings524 and commented:
A Christmas guide for Atheists which could work pretty well for others as well.
LikeLiked by 1 person
…. and a perfect Christmas was had by all, especially the animals!
Thank you, Gigi!