my mask labeled
functioning adult
is slipping today
i keep putting
it back in place
and it stays for a little while
before it slides down again
like ill-fitting glasses
or a hat that’s too big
revealing all the brokenness
beneath
all the vulnerability
i try to hide
i watch myself
having normal
conversations with
co-workers
as though i am across
the room
maybe i should get
some popcorn to eat
while i enjoy this show called
dissociation
i make work related
phone calls
ask intelligent questions
answer emails
even write a consent
type words of thanks and
encouragement
as if everything
is okay
like i’m okay
trying with various
degrees of success to
ignore the screaming vortex
that is inside me
maybe is me
i even start to reach out a
a few times
to ask for. . .
i don’t know what
someone to hold up a mirror
and show me i’m still human?
remind me that someone they
used to care about held this shape?
took up this space?
i feel boneless
as if I have lost all structural integrity
is there a mold out there of me
that i can pour myself
into until my atoms settle?
because right now
i am drifting apart
a million small particles of
matter lost in the breeze
Reblogged this on lois e. linkens.
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a feeling that we may all experience whether it be for years or for seconds – whether or not you feel distant from the person you are at your job or among friends your poetry will always be the truest and closest version of you and i applaud you for expressing your feelings so articulately.
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Thank you.
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“maybe i should get
some popcorn to eat
while i enjoy this show called
dissociation”
Such brilliant lines.
That cynicism tied in with the profound yet self-perceived dislocation within the piece is unsettling yet, in an oddly comfortable way, relatable.
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Thank you Howl! Very flattering to have you read my work and like it. I saw a glimpse of your story today and definitely need to go back and re-read the whole. Fabulous twist!
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You feel anxious, like you’re going to explode. You say ‘how are you’ and ‘the weather is so and so’ but what you really want to do is throw your chair through your window and get in your car and drive 400 miles in a random direction and get out and see something beautiful.
I feel like that a lot lately. I believe it will get better. Somehow. I guess what I’m saying is that I completely identified with your beautiful and vulnerable poem.
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Thank you. Sounds like you do understand exactly what it felt like
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If that’s true, then I’m sorry. I have felt like this lately, and it’s exhausting. You should take care of you. If you need to talk or vent or just trade silly videos, send me an email or something.
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Thank you. That is very kind
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We’re all looking out for one another. It’s a mutual admiration society, after all! 😉
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And it helps lessen the isolation
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It gives much solace and support.
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Indeed
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Wow this is so relatable for me. I love this
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Thank you.
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You’re welcome
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Amazing words from one of my favorite people.
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This is so relatable, and I admire your articulation also. I’m so grateful for people like you who give such beautiful voice to all of this, as sorry as I am for the distress you’re in.
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Excellent description! You capture it so well. I’ve dealt with dissociation in the past. Mostly derealization, but sometimes also depersonalization. I just wrote about it the other day in my blog. I included some of the grounding techniques that have helped me. Have you found anything helps you stay in the now and feel firmly on the ground?
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Working with some Mindfulness Meditation techniques. Also have a stress ball on my desk. I tried a rubber band on my wrist but when I get stressed I tend to snap it pretty hard!
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Wonderful powerful words.
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Thank you!
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